LOUSE
by Angel of Music lover
Summary: The surviors of the Oceanic Flight have yet another obstacle thrown at them when three new doctors crash on the island. Dr. House, Dr. Cuddy, and Dr. Wilson. Will they be able to cope? Crossover with HOUSE. NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey! This was just a bit of randomness that was inspired by one of the exceedingly long and sometimes annoying surveys that hersheygal gives me. So blame her. :D This is pretty much a little crossover between two of my favorite shows LOST and HOUSE. I'll probably have hersheygal help me out with some of the fine details for the HOUSE bit since she knows it WAY better than I do. And, just so you know, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SERIOUS!!! Sorry, I just don't want any flamers. :D Review and let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a hit T.V. show but I rent. (Kudos if you got the little reference in that)**

The small group of islanders lounged about on the sandy beach and chatted with one another cheerfully. Life seemed to finally be settling down ever so slightly. Jack was back (although with an Other in tow but he could be forgiven for that) as was Kate and Sayid. Locke was mysteriously missing but none of the adventurers could give a straight answer as to why he didn't return.

Most people just blew it off as Jack, Kate, and Sayid just not feeling like sharing top-secret information with them. What else is new?

Some, like Charlie and Hurly, tried to trick one of them into talking but unfortunately that plan wasn't really going anywhere. It didn't matter how many times they tried to casually slip it into conversation. The person they were interrogating simply laughed and walked away.

Although Kate did almost slap Charlie that one time for pestering her right after asking how she and Jack were doing. Some women were so touchy.

All in all though, life was getting back to normal. About as normal anyway as life on a freakish, demented island could get.

Then they all saw the airplane.

………………………………………………………

"Oh my god!" Claire screamed as she protectively wrapped her arms around Aaron. She stared up into the sky and continued to shout in alarm. Charlie raced out of their tent where he had been strumming out a song to see what the bloody hell was going on.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he demanded. I'm telling you… one-track mind…

"There's an airplane!" Claire shrieked and instantly got the attention of everyone around her.

Wow… you would think her screaming bloody murder would have been enough but apparently the islanders were only interested in what could help _them_.

"Jesus Faye Wray, where the hell is King Kong?" Sawyer snapped as he approached the screaming girl. Oh yeah… his time of no nicknames was officially over twelve hours ago and Sawyer was laying them on really heavy.

"Did anyone ever tell you, Sawyer, that you are such a nerd?" Kate asked as she also jogged up to Claire's side and squinted up at the sun. Within minutes Jack and Juliet were also at the scene which Kate carefully avoided noticing.

"We might want to move," Jack warned as he also looked up at the bright blue sky. Everyone else glanced at him and in unison asked,

"Why?" Jack sighed and glared at all of them as if they should all already know.

"Because it's going to crash and you don't want it to land on you," Jack snapped and instantly everyone understood. And they ran around the camp like chickens with their heads cut off. That is except for Desmond, of course. He already knew where the plane was going to crash and safely escorted Charlie away from the disaster area.

"How did they live without me?" Jack wondered as he stared up at the heavens. "How? And why me?" he groaned and then raced around like the rest of them. He ignored the fact that Sawyer and Kate were holding hands so as not to lose each other.

The drone of the plane grew stronger and the screaming metal contraption hurtled towards the island. The shouts of people on board could be distinctly heard despite the immense distance and then suddenly…

It crashed with a heavy THUD and a BOOM into the previously peaceful sand.

People on the island screamed.

People on the airplane screamed.

And screamed.

And cried a little too.

So the noise was pretty overwhelming.

Then, through the dust and the smoke being emitted from the fallen airplane out came a mysterious figure. His silhouette was hunched over from the use of a cane but it walked with great amount of dignity.

The survivors squinted to get a better look and wondered who this mysterious new comer could be.

Then out emerged an older man with graying hair and beard who leaned heavily on a wooden cane. His cynical eyes surveyed the situation and he stared at all the people who were screaming and horribly injured. And then he said one solitary thing.

"Could we all just _shut_ _UP_ for a minute?!"

………………………………………………………..

Several hours later, the mess was all cleaned up and several more people from the new flight were huddled amongst the survivors. Many did not survive the crash but some managed to come out a live.

One was the same older man who we met earlier in the chapter.

Another was a middle aged attractive woman with dark hair who continued to glare at the older man. Most of the original survivors guessed that the older man must really be an ass.

Not to mention the tall and kind looking dark haired man who appeared to just want everyone to get along super duper. The others all felt bad for him because it seemed that his mission was failing horribly.

What was weird was that _all _these people seemed to know each other.

Jack had them settled in the center of a large ring made out of the original survivors and was glaring at them all rather harshly.

"Who are you?" he barked commandingly and allowed his eyes to shift over each individual. The young woman spoke up first in her even, calm tone.

"My name is Dr. Cuddy. These here are Wilson," she announced and pointed to the younger kind man, "And House." On the last name she pointed to the older man and scowled deeply as if the name brought her much pain.

"Can't they speak for themselves?" Jack spat and glared at the two men suspiciously. Cuddy looked offended but Wilson quickly interjected before a major spat occurred within their new friends.

"Yes, we can," he assured and quickly introduced himself. "I'm Wilson and I work with both Dr. Cuddy and Dr. House." Wilson then turned to look at House and gave a pointed look towards Jack and the others. House raised his eyebrows questioningly and looked almost surprised that Wilson should suggest that he introduce himself. He consented though and turned to look at Jack mockingly.

"While we're all 'traveling round the circle' so that we know each other better after the most horrendous crash in our lives," House began with a serious expression, "I'm Dr. House and these are my associates. Do I get a pencil as a prize now or something?" Jack scowled at House's behavior.

"HEY!" he shouted and advanced towards House with a dangerous expression. "You're lucky that we're keeping you alive now wise guy! Why should we trust you? You could be one of _them_! You could be the smoke monster that no one knows anything about! You could be a polar bear in disguise! You could really be one of our fathers that we hate!" Jack accused and jabbed his finger at House angrily while his cheeks flushed and his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

"Did you notice that your eyes are _really, really_ wide and scary right now? I mean, they're rolling all over the place!" House pointed out and pulled his head away a little bit. Jack opened his mouth as if keep shouting before someone interrupted.

"Jack!" Kate cried from the outer part of the circle. "Come on, that's enough!"

At the same time, Wilson was quietly trying to coach his friend from doing something stupid.

It was too late though. Jack's expression was all wild-eyed and crazy and there was no stopping him now. However, House beat him to the punch.

"It looks like _somebody _took a few womanly pills today," House muttered while staring directly at Jack. Jack gaped at the newcomer and simply stared for the longest time… wondering how the hell he should respond to that.

Unfortunately he came up with nothing. He simply glared at House dangerously and then stalked away with his eyes still shifting insanely.

House turned his attention back to the only one that seemed to make any sense so far that he had spoken to. That person was the attractive brunette in the back.

"Well what crawled up his ass and died?" House asked with raised eyebrows. Kate smiled and moved over so she could talk more freely with him.

"I think he feels threatened. He's not the only doctor on the island anymore," Kate explained as Sawyer moved up next to her possessively. New men meant new obstacles for him.

"Ah," House said knowingly and leaned back thoughtfully. "Spinal surgeon?" Everyone's expressions were bewildered (at least, those who knew Jack) and their eyes were questioning.

"How did you know?" Kate asked breathily as she was a little caught off guard. House shrugged and smiled cockily.

"Well they're usually the whiniest of all the surgeons and cry the most when they lose a patient," House explained. "He looked like a crier to me." Everyone was silent and House took the opportunity to add on to his statement. "Not to mention he seems like he couldn't give CPR worth a damn."

"I can agree with that!" Charlie interjected, rubbing his chest tenderly where Jack had practically beat him to death all those weeks ago. Sure it had saved his life… it hurt like the dickens though.

"If you don't mind," Cuddy interrupted, her eyebrows raised coolly and her hawk like gaze surveyed those around here. "I wouldn't mind having some questions answered." Wilson smiled approvingly at her and Cuddy gave a small smile back. House however gave a little half turn in her direction and pouted almost mockingly.

"Come on, I was on a roll!" he protested. Cuddy pointedly ignored him.

"How long have you all been here?" she asked and Hurley quickly responded.

"About 80 or 90 days." Cuddy raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked around at the camp.

"It seems like you're well adjusted to life here," Wilson added and also took in all the tents and food stations. The original survivors smiled at each other and nodded.

"I guess we are," Charlie echoed and there came murmurs of agreement. House narrowed his eyes at Claire though and pointed at her.

"How do you have such a nice haircut?" he asked in bewilderment. "And how did you deliver that baby?" Cuddy slapped his pointing finger back down and smiled apologetically at Claire.

"I'm sorry sweetie… just ignore him," she apologized. Claire just smiled and hugged Aaron a little closer to her. House frowned but stayed mostly silent as Cuddy asked the next question.

"How long have you been living here?" she asked suspiciously and glanced at all the smelly and somewhat dirty people around her.

"Well sweet thang," Sawyer drawled and everyone turned to look at him in surprise. "We set up some tents, scavenged whatever we could from the plane, explored a little and then we found…" Suddenly Sawyer paused and cast a nervous glance around the group. The three doctors were not amused however.

"And you found what?" Cuddy snapped in irritation. The rest were silent as they debated on whether they should recount all the happenings on the island. Kate finally spoke up for the group and smiled apologetically.

"We probably shouldn't talk about that quite yet. It would take a long time and you all are probably… exhausted," she stuttered. Hurley quickly came to her rescue by changing the subject quickly towards the new survivors.

"So where were you all headed?" he asked curiously and Wilson answered.

"We were making our way to Australia from a California port," Wilson explained and was about to go into more detail before Sawyer cut him off rudely.

"You were going from CALIFORNIA to AUSTRALIA?" he barked and the rest of the camp tensed noticeably. Wilson's eyebrows raised up and he looked a little afraid of Sawyer's defensive attitude but he nodded slowly.

"Yeah, that's right," Cuddy assured and House squinted his eyes at the band of people before him. Something was definitely suspicious and none of them liked it.

"_We_ were going from Australia TO California," Sayid stated and clenched a fist nervously. House however started when he heard the heavy accent of Sayid and smirked ever so slightly.

"Oh look! You've got an Iraqi!" he exclaimed and smiled over at Sawyer. "I bet _that _comes in handy!" No one seemed to hear House's racial joke however for the mysterious and creepy soundtrack was mounting in the background and the camera panned in to Dr. Wilson's face.

"Guys," Wilson began in a slow and fearful voice, "Where _are_ we?"

(BLACKOUT!)

**A/N: So yeah… it's taken me a while to write this and a lot has changed on LOST since I started. It's all so complicated though that I just want to leave it like this for now. Lol!! Anyway, please let me know what you thought! **

**I also left out some characters from HOUSE because… well… I just didn't want to deal with SIX doctors adjusting to life on the island. I think three is more than enough. At least, I hope so. **


	2. House is Hungry

**A/N: Wow, I'm terribly sorry about the long wait. I was stuck with a computer that didn't have the right formatting for FanFiction and therefore was unable to update… at all. So this story I just started has just been kinda hanging… I apologize. **

**Anyway, with the apology over with, please read and enjoy the second chapter of the story LOUSE. I apologize about the name too… it was the best I was able to come up with. **

**And just so we're all clear, I REFUSE to have Charlie die in this story. Mkay? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the LOST or the HOUSE characters. **

The next morning dawned clear and bright over the island as the islanders began to stir from their sleep. Each person went about their daily tasks which could be anywhere from picking fresh fruit for breakfast or filling up water bottles for the long day ahead. In short, everyone was interacting with each other before full daylight had hit the sandy beaches.

Dr. House did not wake until nearly noon. Even his companions, Cuddy and Wilson, had woken up earlier than him and were now pitching in merrily with the others. And when House DID wake up he found his was hungry. Very hungry. So hungry in fact that he didn't care for a moment that he was on a deserted island with mysterious people. He knew that he would have to find Jack.

………………………………………………

"Aw come on… you know EXACTLY where I can get some food," House sneered and leaned heavily upon his cane for support. Jack just rolled his eyes and then glared over at the intruder as he started to fill water bottles.

"Yeah. I do," Jack agreed but said nothing else. Another water bottle was dunked into their fresh water supply. House was growing agitated now. He needed to eat and he was yet again arguing with another doctor.

"And you're not telling me _because_…" House prompted and looking steadily at Jack. Jack gave a heavy sigh and then turned back to House while screwing the cap back on the large plastic bottle.

"Because you're a slacker House." House snorted and it was his turn to roll his eyes.

"What, did your abnormally buggish eyes look into my soul or something and see that?" House asked sarcastically and received a cold glare.

"You just earned yourself more silence," Jack snapped and stormed away from House, fuming. "My eyes are NOT buggish!" Jack thought to himself as he put distance between himself and House.

House groaned in annoyance and shook his head.

"Spinal surgeons," he muttered as if it was an oath and went in search of someone else who would find him.

Meanwhile, Cuddy and Kate were talking about something incredibly important.

……………………………..

"Your makeup is all streaked," Kate noted while she and Cuddy were picking fruit. Cuddy stopped and cocked an eyebrow.

"And you expected…" But Kate cut her off before the sentence could be finished.

"It's just that I meant… well… while you're on the island there are certain rules that all of us women must follow," Kate explained carefully with her eyes locked on Cuddy. Cuddy got excited, thinking that Kate was going to tell her whatever she had retained the night before.

"Is this the secret of the island?" Cuddy asked breathlessly. To her disappointment, Kate just shook her head.

"It's just that we've all noticed… that all the women with bad makeup end up dying later," Kate murmured as though afraid to speak it aloud. Cuddy felt her cynical doctor side kick in and she heaved a sigh.

"Kate…" she began but was soon cut off again by her frantic companion.

"No! Really!" Kate cried and eagerly began to list the names off her fingers. "The first was Shannon who was shot after running around in the rain and crying. Her mascara and eyeliner were all smeared and she ran into a clearing and BAM!" Kate shouted and Cuddy drew back in fear. "Then there was Ana Lucia who never even APPLIED makeup and she was killed maybe a week after her arrival!" Cuddy was about to ask where Ana Lucia had arrived from but Kate would not be stopped now. "Then Libby went right after her and even though she applied makeup, she really didn't do a very good job!" Kate wailed, growing more and more distraught. "The last was Nikki who no one really cared about anyway but after closely examining her face I saw that she had also been crying and her mascara was streaked!" Cuddy was somewhat overwhelmed by this information and quickly decided to prod Kate for any other information she might have.

"And the women with _good _make up…" she prompted, hoping Kate would take the bait.

"We have plenty of near death experiences, but no actual dying," Kate answered and seemed to grow a little more confident.

"But how do you keep your makeup so nice?" Cuddy wondered. "It is an ISLAND after all isn't it?" Kate grinned and instantly began to talk faster as her excitement grew.

"It was actually Claire and I who came up with it," Kate explained in a rush and quickly reached into a small bag dangling around her waist. "We experimented with fruit, nuts, and any other natural sources the island could give us. And we came up with a fool proof way to stay alive on this island!"

Cuddy was currently undecided. Her doctor mind told her that partaking in something like this was silly and that there was no way that women were killed just because their makeup was messy. But then the more human side of her wanted to be SURE that she wouldn't be eliminated and was willing to accept the evidence that Kate gave her.

"Alright, show me." Kate laughed in delight and began to pull out various jars and bottles of the concoctions that she and Claire had brewed together.

"This will be quick, I promise!" Cuddy just smiled and allowed Kate to work on her. Despite how silly it was Cuddy had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last silly thing she did on this island.

…………………………………………..

On the beach, Wilson was lounging about with Hurley and Charlie as they tossed rocks into the vast ocean. Charlie, however, was looking rather glum.

"So what's wrong Charlie?" Wilson asked finally after the silence had lasted a little too long. Charlie looked up at him but shook his head warily.

"Claire," he mumbled but Wilson could have sworn he heard Charlie mutter something like 'bloody line stealing git…'. Wilson raised his eyebrows and Hurley just shook his head, begging Wilson not to bring it up.

"So this is what you guys do all day?" Wilson asked with a change of subject. Hurley shrugged and craned his head around to look behind him.

"Desmond usually comes around though," he added and Charlie grunted.

"What good is he? All he does is call me his brotha all day and looks at me weird," Charlie muttered, still in his bad mood. Hurley agreed noncommittally but Wilson was suddenly curious.

"So… this is all you do?" Charlie turned a sullen eye on Wilson.

"And what exactly are you suggesting?" he snapped in his fierce little British voice. Wilson just shrugged hurriedly but did not forgo the topic.

"Well… who does everything around here?" he asked and prayed that Charlie took no offense to this. It seemed that he didn't though because his bitterness was now turned onto someone else.

"Jack, Kate, Locke, Sawyer… and sometimes Sayid," Charlie listed off and glared down the island with what could only be described as disgust. "Who says that some of us can't tag along, eh? Who says one of us can't put ourselves in danger too!?" Hurley scoffed and shook his head.

"And what would you do man? Swim to an underwater hatch to flip a switch?" Hurley chortled and sighed happily. Charlie also couldn't help but crack a grin at this and scoff with his friend.

"Yeah… what a stupid idea THAT would be!" Charlie agreed with a laugh. "I can't even swim that well!" Hurley was laughing even harder now and was forced to drop the rocks he was about to throw into the waves.

"Oh man… can't even picture it!" Hurley chuckled and regained control of himself. Wilson just stared blankly at the two and waited for the sudden burst of merriment to pass before asking the next question.

"So you guys really don't mind that Jack is the only one that does anything useful?" Wilson asked, obviously amazed. Charlie scowled again.

"Well what about you? It looks like House and Cuddy are the ones that REALLY call the shots," Charlie retorted and Wilson could feel his face scrunch up. It was true though and suddenly Wilson felt like a hypocrite.

The three stood in a moody silence.

……………………………………………….

"Hey you!" House shouted impatiently, his stomach grumbling. Sawyer poked his head out of his newly setup tent and glared over at House crankily. "The one reading the book!" Sawyer scowled and set down his copy of "I Am The Cheese" with a disgruntled air.

"What the hell do you want?" Sawyer barked. He was always cranky when his literature time was interrupted. House took interest in the book that Sawyer had just slammed down and evaluated it closely.

"Good book," House stated and pointed to "I Am The Cheese". "You'll hate the ending though." Sawyer growled and ripped his reading glasses off in anger.

"You want to come up here to have a book club or did you want something?" Sawyer snapped and squared his jaw dangerously. House knew when to pick his fights so he tried to get straight to the point.

"Well, Huck," House began with an obvious slander towards Sawyer's accent but was surprise when Sawyer quickly interrupted him.

"It's Sawyer," he glowered, "Not Huck." House nodded in an offhand way and continued on.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I was wondering where I could find me some breakfast." Sawyer raised his eyebrows and pointed into the jungle surrounding them.

"Breakfast is through those trees. If you can find a wild boar or a tree with fruit you can eat," Sawyer explained simply and returned back to his seat coolly. House grimaced at the woods but motioned to his cane in an attempt to appeal to Sawyer.

"But I'm handicapped," he complained and limped a little with an overdramatic flair. "I couldn't possibly make it up a tree by myself!" Sawyer just smirked and jerked his head to the jungle again.

"Watch out for the polar bears." House looked utterly bewildered by this statement and gaped for a moment.

"Polar bears?" he asked with the beginnings of a smile tracing his features. "Was that supposed to be a joke?" Sawyer just shook his head and once more jerked his head in the right direction.

"I'd get started if I were you!" House stood silently and stared at Sawyer before hobbling away on his cane.

"This isn't over… Huck," House said menacingly before heading back down the beach. Sawyer ground his teeth together… sensing a nickname coming on. Sawyer wasn't supposed to have a nickname… this newcomer was stealing his sacred right of giving everyone else a stupid nickname!

House was so going down.

**A/N: Okay, kinda weird and random but hopefully somewhat entertaining. I think that this was drastically different from the first chapter but maybe people will like it just as much. (is hopeful) The House/Sawyer banter came much more naturally than the House/Jack. Anyway, please review! ((Seriously! Am I the only one who noticed that every female with bad makeup ends up getting killed?? Sheesh!))**


	3. Jack Bashing and That's It

**A/N: Alright, so I'm back after an extended absence. I took a bit of a vacation and wrote a ton of oneshots, so I'm very sorry. It was needed though. xD Anyway, thanks to all that review! You guys certainly have patience, I can say that. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own LOST or HOUSE. **

Down on the beach, a beautiful (but random) young blonde woman was climbing into the ocean. As she walked she threw off various articles of clothing but continued all the same.

"Lovely day for a swim," she thought to herself. "It's not like I could actually get pulled far away from shore in the ocean or anything. Best not to tell anyone where I'm going." And with these thoughts she took a deep breath and submerged herself into the water.

………………………………

House had just waded through the thick sand of the island and was approaching Claire's tent when suddenly the island burst into an uproar. People were yelling frantically and were scampering down to the beach, brushing past the cranky doctor. House looked from left to right before raising his eyes up to the sky.

"Why?" he wondered to the clear blue sky and tried to figure out what in the name of Puppies could be going on. He soon found out.

"Someone's drowning! Someone I've never seen before is drowning!" a random man screamed while running down to the beach. He then slammed straight into Houses's shoulder but continued on as if he were too insanely panicked to really care. House stared after him, confused, and was relieved when he heard Claire coming up behind him.

"Who _was_ that?" he asked the young mother, who just shrugged while bouncing her baby.

"Never seen him before," she muttered before heading down the beach herself. "Are you coming?" she asked, more out of politeness than actual concern for House.

"Are you taking your _baby_ with you to where someone might be drowning?" House asked instead of answering, incredulous. Claire frowned and hugged her baby even closer.

"I go everywhere with my son," she snapped. "_Everywhere_." With that, Claire stormed off wondering why House would dare to question her mothering techniques. House stared after her, shaking his head.

"Well that's a moody one," he said but began to walk to the beach anyway, trying to find someone who would tell him what's going on. Or maybe where he could find some food.

It was then that House noticed that Jack was lounging outside of his tent, seeming to be immersed in some kind of animal in the sand. Intrigued, and a little annoyed, House changed courses so that he was now hobbling towards Jack.

"What are you doing?" House demanded. Jack looked up casually before scowling and turning his attention back to the bug crawling through the sand. He grunted in acknowledgement. "Didn't you see and hear everyone screaming past you?" Now Jack was a little interested and looked back up at House.

"What are you talking about?" he asked wearily running a hand through his short hair. House was astounded now.

"Is that black bug really THAT interesting?" Jack just stared up at House like he was stupid.

"What are you talking about?" he repeated. House now grinned and leaned against his cane.

"Rumor has it someone is drowning down on the beach," House explained. Before he could even get to his punch line though Jack was on his feet and streaking off to the beach, taking off his shoes and shirt as he ran frantically.

"Hang on! I'm coming!" Jack yelled as he ran, thinking that whoever was drowning might be comforted by this.

House just stared after him, once more utterly surprised.

"You're a doctor! Not a lifeguard!" House shouted but Jack appeared not to hear. With an exasperated sigh House began to head over to the beach himself, shaking his head and muttering. "Spinal surgeons," he said, spitting it as if it were an oath. "Always have to save people."

…………………………………….

Fifteen minutes later, Jack was pulling the young woman from the water into land again, coughing up water and leaning her on his shoulder. Somewhere, Kate glowered.

"It's okay… I got her. She's safe," Jack said to the anxious faces on the beach, nodding his head a little at the applause his received. "Thank you… thank you…"

House walked as quickly as possible over to the young woman in Jack's arms and immediately began to inspect her.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, getting a little red in the face.

"Examining her… she just about drowned five minutes ago," House explained, checking the woman over. "I think she needs mouth-to-mouth or whatever you heroes do." Jack glared but quickly began to set the woman on the ground before pumping her stomach and alternately breathing into her mouth.

Kate's glower intensified… wherever she was.

The intense mouth-to-mouth lasted nearly eight minutes before House interrupted.

"Alright, that's good Jackie," House finally said, literally pushing Jack off the woman. Jack fell and glared up at House.

"She's not awake yet," he snarled, looking ready to give that girl mouth-to-mouth until she was awake and speaking sentences, darnit!

"Give it five seconds," House said and looked down at his amazingly unbroken wristwatch. "Five… four… three… two…"

"Hey!" Jack protested. "That's _my _thing!" But by this time the five seconds had passed and the young woman spluttered away, coughing and sitting up. Jack stared down at the woman in shock as his eyes bugged out.

Meanwhile… in the crowd…

"You just don't question House," Wilson said from his own spot to Charlie, who was still standing next to him. "He's _always_ right about these sorts of things."

"Huh," Charlie said, rubbing his small amount of facial hair. "That's funny. Jack is always_ wrong_ about those sorts of things." Wilson looked over at Charlie, smiling.

"Really? Well that's interesting…" he said, bemused.

"Yeah, who'd have thought it…" Charlie agreed and both men turned back to enjoy the show.

"How did you know that would happen?" Jack demanded, standing up and trying to tower over the other doctor.

"Pardon?" House asked as the young woman who just woke up was helped away from the site by some other random cast members.

"How did _you know that would happen!?" _Jack shouted, spit flying from his mouth, eyes shifting dangerously, and veins sticking out on his neck. House took the smallest step back and tried to wipe the spit that had fallen on his cheek.

"I've been doing this a long time kiddo," House explained as if talking to a confused five-year-old. "I know these things." Jack's face turned red and he brought a fist up to point at House.

"If you think that you are going to call ME a bad doctor…" Jack began but by this time House was already hobbling away, demanding to be fed.

What horrified Jack the most was that people were now willing to feed House breakfast… because he was a hero.

This could not be good.

…………………………………..

After House received his first meal he began to feel weird. It was like he needed something desperately and in an instant he knew what was wrong. He was having a craving for his "medicine".

Luckily, he had a few pills left in a bottle that miraculously didn't fall out of his pocket during the crash (he was full of miracles today) and his fingers swiftly swooped down to retrieve them. In an instant they were out of the plastic tube and popped into House's mouth, which eagerly swallowed the pills. House decided it was best if he just didn't look to see how many were left and slid the bottle back into his jeans pocket. It would be better that way.

Just then Cuddy walked over to where House was sitting on what appeared to be a log. House noticed and glanced up at her approvingly.

"You look hot," he observed with a cocky raise of his eyebrows, referring to the touchup that Kate had given her. "This isn't for me, is it?" Cuddy just scowled at him and didn't sit where House indicated.

"What have you done _now?_" she asked. "I thought I heard Jack crying on my way over here." House grinned.

"What was he saying as he was crying?" House asked, not answering Cuddy's original question.

"Something about how he was being overthrown by a sadistic doctor," Cuddy replied coolly and arched her eyebrows. House, however, acted as though this hurt him.

"And you immediately thought of _me_?" he asked as though utterly surprised. Cuddy rolled her eyes and glared, prompting House to answer the original question. "All I did was tell him how to save a nearly drowned woman. He's just upset because I was right." Cuddy was exasperated and threw her hands into the air.

"House we just got here! We can't already be making enemies with the people living here already! Especially with someone as influential as Jack!" She scolded, finger jabbing in House's face.

"So I should have let the man give this woman CPR until her face turned blue?" House snapped. "I think she deserved better than that."

"Oh _please_! Those weren't your motives and you know it," Cuddy snarled and stalked away without letting House get the last word in.

"Jerk," House shouted after her, grinning a little when he heard Cuddy scream in frustration. He was going to like it here.

**A/N: I know, it was horrendously short. :eek!: Please don't complain about that. I'm having a really hard time with this story so plotlines or ideas are more than welcome if you all want this to continue. Thanks! And since I get the most reviews about this, I promise there will be more House/Sawyer head butting. Sawyer was just sulking this chapter because House is a jerk. Anyway…**


	4. Sawyer's Plan and Sayid's Anger

**A/N: So I got some really good suggestions last time so I'm finally back with a new chapter! So… enjoy some Sawyer/House and perhaps some Sayid/House banter. **

**I've also decided to make some kind of timeline. So, this is all taking place before Charlie knows about Desmond's visions but everyone is still on the beach. And Sayid is still really angsty after Shannon's death. Because I said so. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Any of it. **

Kate approached a rather frustrated looking Cuddy, not looking very pleasant herself. After all… Jack had been a jerk and nearly made out with that unconscious girl! Jack's not supposed to do that when she's dating Sawyer! He's supposed to wait for her! What kind of almost-boyfriend is he?

"Hey," Cuddy said shortly, not really wanting to stop.

"Hey," Kate returned. They looked at each other.

"Jack."

"House."

The two women uttered the bane of their existences at the same time and then stormed away, fuming. In fact, if you really paid attention you could almost see little clouds of smoke floating above their red, angry faces.

……………………………………

Meanwhile though, Sawyer surveyed everything that had happened with interested eyes. He needed something on this new guy, House, and he needed it quick. Knowing that he had a good knowledge of diseases didn't help him much but it did give him a few things to brainstorm. He had to find a weakness and break through Houses's exterior and he was willing to work with anything.

He pretty much had everyone else from the new plane covered.

Wilson was calm and collected but he really didn't seem to have much direction. His main goals are saying words of wisdom to House and being the moderator. He didn't like it when people fought, so it was easy to get to him. Just point out how much House and Cuddy have a twisted relationship and he nearly went into hysterics.

Cuddy had a temper issue. Contradict her a few times and the beast came out, ready to tear the jugular of anyone near her. She also seemed to have little common sense and her main enemy was House. Even bring him near her and she goes ballistic.

So what did that make House? He didn't have any real faults except for his sarcasm and Sawyer could hardly use that against the new doctor. Sawyer may be a few things but he wasn't a hypocrite.

So he had built up a temporary fort near House's campsite and eagerly waited for something interesting to happen.

It took nearly the rest of the afternoon but Sawyer soon found what he needed.

House reached inside his jeans pocked and pulled out a bottle of pills. Sawyer was instantly alert and leaned forward to see. House shook out a couple of the pills and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them without water. Sawyer could just see the label and he was pretty sure that House didn't suffer from a broken arm.

House was addicted to pain medication. Sawyer's grin spread and he felt incredibly proud.

Bingo.

…………………………

Wilson was once again with Charlie. Surprisingly, the hot-headed guitarist and the mellow doctor had hit it off rather quickly. At this point, Charlie was telling Wilson all about Driveshaft.

"Oh yeah, we were great. We had that one hit you know, "You All Everybody"." Charlie paused and looked expectantly at Wilson.

"Umm… I don't know it," Wilson said apologetically. Charlie sighed in disappointment but continued on.

"So, it was all going well. Until my brother ruined my life." Wilson blinked and stared at Charlie.

"Your brother ruined your life? How did he manage that?" Wilson wondered. Charlie began to tear up but it was clear he was angry.

"It's all his fault I became a junkie. If he didn't smoke crack all the time I would never be so depressed about his downward spiral that I had to take some as well." Wilson raised his eyebrows but before he could comment Charlie kept going. "Yup, he got me addicted, sold my piano for crack money, but then went on to have a perfectly lovely life. What a jerk!" Charlie was merely ranting now but Wilson felt that he had to say something.

"Well, are you sure your brother did that intentionally?" Wilson hinted, hoping Charlie would pick up on it. Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Of course I'm sure! Everyone hates me after all." There came a brief pause.

"Have you heard of anti-depressants?" Wilson asked casually. Charlie looked over at him but never got the chance to respond. This is because there came the sounds of loud arguing in the distance. Wilson and Charlie quickly got to their feet and wandered over to the source of the noise.

…………………………………..

(Ten minutes earlier)

House felt he needed to get acquainted with all the other people on the island. It was only proper after all _and_ he had only interacted with Jack and Sawyer so far and they were both crazy. So he figured maybe he could find someone normal.

The sound of chopping wood met House's ears. There seemed like a good start to his friend list. So he walked to a clearing and saw a familiar face.

Sayid was in the clearing, bring a large axe down on a block of wood repeatedly. He didn't notice House's arrival, and if he had Sayid couldn't have cared less. The newcomers meant next to nothing to him and all he cared about was mourning the loss of his loved one.

But House just had to push his luck. He remembered the man in the clearing as the Iraqi he had poked fun at earlier and he wished to speak with him more, for some reason.

"Hola," House began and smiled when Sayid stopped chopping at the sudden greeting. Sayid remained expressionless but on the inside he was greatly annoyed.

"Yes?" he asked in a silky voice, waiting for House to just leave. Sayid continued chopping his wood.

"What are you chopping wood for?" House started, leaning heavily on his cane and surveyed Sayid's progress. "And why are you so horrible at it?" Sayid stopped mid-swing and stared in annoyance at House.

"Is there something you need?" Sayid asked, concealing the icy undertone of his words. House shook his head and shrugged.

"Just heard all the commotion and thought I'd come and see what you were up to," House insisted innocently, now swaying a little. "Thought that anyone who would be out in the middle of the jungle chopping wood for no apparent reason might be lonely." Sayid considered this before shaking his head.

"There has to be something more than that," Sayid replied suspiciously, eyes narrowing and accent growing heavier. "Nothing around here is that simple. You must be up to something."

"I'm offended," House began with a pout forming. "I actually am doing something without double intentions and this is the time that people don't trust me." Sayid looked fierce at this point and House was considering how much damage that axe could do.

"You tell me what you really want from me and I won't whip out my torture devices," Sayid snarled, throwing the axe down.

"And I'm telling you, you thick-headed Iraqi," House fired off, standing up straighter but not really looking very menacing. "That I just came to see what you were doing!"

"Get out of here!" Sayid shouted, waving his arms about. "Get out! I need to finish chopping wood for Shannon's grave in peace, please!"

"What could you possibly do for a grave with wood?" House wondered but Sayid's paranoia had gotten to him.

"I said get out!" Sayid repeated and was reaching for the axe again.

Just then, Charlie and Wilson ran up and beheld a frightening scene. Sayid was in his paranoid and dangerous state and House was just staring defiantly back at him. This couldn't be good.

"Hey!" Charlie shouted, taking a few cautious steps down the beach. "Hey, Sayid, cool off, man!" he coaxed, taking a few more steps. Sayid stared dangerously at Charlie but was going to put the axe down when suddenly there came a shout from behind.

"Charlie! No!" Desmond cried in his heavy Scottish accent, barreling towards the small Brit. Charlie stared, dumbfounded, at Desmond but was soon horrified when Desmond rammed into Sayid, causing Sayid to unintentionally fling the axe over towards Charlie.

"Aaaaaa-" Charlie began to scream, but luckily Desmond had been moving really fast. He streaked towards Charlie and tackled him, causing the axe to miss Charlie's head by about half an inch.

They both toppled to the ground, Charlie shouting profanities and Desmond shouting to Charlie that it was okay, that he was all right again.

"Would you stop bloody doing that!" Charlie bellowed, shoving Desmond away. "Every time you show up you nearly kill me! It's getting old!" Desmond flushed a little and rubbed his shoulder, standing up.

"Sorry about that brotha," Desmond apologized.

"And stop calling me that!" Charlie snapped, ignoring Sayid's apologies as well. "It's bloody annoying! I'm not even related to you!" Charlie then turned right around and stomped off, muttering about crazy Scots and rubbing the top of his head tenderly.

House and Wilson just stood there next to each other, staring in awe at what just took place.

"That… was cool," House finally said, laughing and shaking his head. "Did you see how close that angry British kid came to dying? If that crazy Scottish guy," there came an indignant cry from Desmond, who was still there, "Hadn't been running so fast his head would have come right off!" Wilson laughed nervously, feeling vaguely sick.

"Yeah… awesome," he muttered half-heartedly. "Come on, let's go somewhere else," Wilson suggested and nearly dragged House away, not wanting to start another incident.

"But I didn't make friends with the crazy foreigner," House protested but Wilson ignored him. It was obvious though that he was lecturing the whole way back and that House was blatantly ignoring him.

Which left Sayid and Desmond alone together. Desmond was awkward and motioned towards the axe.

"Sorry about that," he apologized, shrugging. "I didn't mean to hit you." Sayid just stared at him.

"Just get out," he sighed. "Everyone needs to just leave me alone." Desmond took the opportunity and left Sayid alone to cut his wood again.

"Awkward," Desmond muttered, heading off to spy on Charlie some more.

**A/N: So… really strange. This is actually probably my most random and strange chapter yet. I ended making Sayid a bit of a psycho… which makes me sad. But that's the way it goes. Please review! **


End file.
